


Bridges

by Beaufale



Series: A Billy Hargrove Exploration [3]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Abuse, Apologies, Homophobic Language, Mending Bridges, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-09 02:26:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12878220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beaufale/pseuds/Beaufale
Summary: Billy is too tired to still be so angry, he toes the lines, doing as his father demands.





	1. Exhausted

**Author's Note:**

> Bit more into Billy as a character, all his anger will eventually burn out. It's not gone, but for now Billy needs a rest.  
> This is soo different from what i first started writing, and I rewrote it a few times, but it's still not what i expected.

It’s been a few weeks since Daddy Dearest had hit him. Which mean Billy must be doing something right.

To be fair, Billy wasn’t really doing anything, other than going to school and being Max’s chauffeur. He still hung out with his dickhead mates sometimes, and occasionally went to parties. He even had a part time job now, at a service station, on the outskirts of town (which was fine, as long as it didn’t interrupt his brotherly duties, Dad’s words not his). But mostly he listened to music in his room, he didn’t even turn it up loud.

He was just so tired all the time. After that whole mess at Steve’s a few weeks back, Billy was just empty almost. He’d avoided Harrington, and the kid got the picture eventually, and the two just acted like it never happened.

Susan was in the kitchen, cooking something for dinner, so it would be ready when Neil got home. She had the radio on a station she only ever played when her husband wasn’t around. She was even singing along, some slower jazz song, by a black lady if Billy had to guess.

How the hell had Susan and Neil even gotten together in the first place? Like Neil could be a charming motherfucker alright, he was very capable of attracting women no doubt (no surprise where Billy got it). But they two were irreparably different, Susan was sweet and empathetic and loved her daughter so much, Neil was narcissistic, controlling and just tolerated his faggy son most of the time. (It didn't used to be that way)

Neil suckered her in somehow, and it was probably to embarrassing for Susan to go through another divorce. And Dad could be so very charming sometimes, weekly dinner dates were a thing since they moved to Hawkins, and if he ever got a little too mad, hit a little too hard, flowers or gifts where an apology.

Cause there was no doubt in Billy’s mind that his step-mum was on the receiving end of Neil’s aggression, same as him. That didn’t mean he pitied her, she chose her husband, she could leave whenever she wanted, but Billy had to wait until he was 18. Only a few months now.

(Billy ignored the fact that the move was so very isolating for everyone involved, ignored the fact that Susan could only call home occasionally because the bills cost too much, ignored the fact that Susan was only allowed a few shifts a week and had no savings, no car of her own, no means to escape. If Billy took that into account he couldn’t hate her anymore.)

(If Billy really thought about it, he hadn’t hated her in a long time)

Billy got up off his bed and set the table.

“Oh, thank you Billy, I could have done that.” Susan smiled, grateful her step-son seemed to be behaving better these days. Grateful for both their sakes.

He didn’t want her gratitude, yes he’d moved passed wanting to cave her skull in, but that didn’t mean he cared for her. Billy shrugged, “How long til dinner’s ready?”

“10 minutes or so, hopefully your father will be home by then,” If not, they’d all wait, rather than risk his wrath. “You’ve been home a lot lately.” Was she trying to make conversation or stating a fact?

“Basketball season’s over,” Billy said, leaning against the bench, “And these not much to do in this town besides get drunk at parties.” 

Susan looked over at him, a soft smile on her face, “And I’m sure you wouldn’t drink underage, of course.”

Billy rolled his eyes, she was trying to joke with him, but he nodded anyway “Of course.” 

Billy was about to excuse himself, when Neil’s car pulled up. Susan changed the radio station, and added some salt to the spaghetti sauce. Billy watched the door, waiting for a second, before turning around and ducking off to his room.

Neil entered the house, without a slammed door or a raised voice, so work wasn’t so bad today at least. The door was opened just a crack, and her Neil kiss Susan on the cheek, asking her how her day was. Yadda yadda so on. Until Neil asked who set the table.

"Billy did, dear, he’s been a good boy.” Part of Billy wanted to groan, (good boy, really?), but other part like someone else telling Neil he was being responsible and respectful.

“Maybe there’s hope for him yet. Moving here was the right idea, I’m sure of it.”

Yeah, moving out of faggy California was definitely the right idea Dad. The worst part of it all was, Neil hadn’t been so bad, always controlling and aggressive. Billy had loved his mother more, but still had fond memories of his father. And after Billy’s mum died, the two had been close, sort of, Billy had been 12 and when he cried his dad held him and told him she was in a better place now. Neil worked a lot and left Billy on his own, but demanded he cooked dinner and cleaned the house and mowed the lawns, and controlled what sport he played (not baseball, baseball isn’t a real sport), and if Billy disobeyed there would be trouble.

But it was only after being caught with another boy that the random hits started. (One of Neil’s work mates saw Billy laying on the grass with a boy, and Billy was a terrible liar, all of 14). After that, Neil thought it was incredibly important that he find a wife, like a mother would stop Billy liking boys. The second time he was caught with a boy, was the reason they moved to Hawkins. Max caught them that time.

So out they moved to Cold Shitty Town, Indiana. And it was all his fault. All his fault his father hated him, all his fault he was now living in the shittiest town he'd ever seen, all his fault because he was a goddam queer, and he was trying really hard to stop. At least he had his uncle’s car, if nothing else. And he didn’t fucking care that the only reason he drove it was for Maxine.

It got him out of the house and kept him out of trouble. 

Things between him and Max were a bit weird, but Billy’s anger had pretty much gone out, he was just exhausted these days, so he left her alone, (with begrudging respect) and the rest of her dorky pals too. 

He behaved, so daddy dearest didn’t have to punish him, and he stayed away from pretty boys, tempting boys.

He’d burnt all those bridges anyway.


	2. A better life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Billy thoughts and an interaction with Lucas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no beta. I am impatience and want to post now.

Billy could feel the anger in him fizzling out. It was exhausting being so mad all the time. He remembered California, being his cocky arrogant self, sure, but also being happy. Genuinely happy.

The memories of the beach, of his uncle’s place, pretty sun-kissed boys, a kinder father, all felt distant now. Hazy around the edges, almost too far to reach. 

As soon as school was done he was going back to Cali, back to happiness. Billy was sure he’s left it all behind there. He knew he’d never be happy in Shitheap, Indiana, surrounded backwards conservative Reaganites. He could never be himself, and he couldn’t be happy if he wasn’t himself.

(If he even deserved to be happy)

So he threw himself into school work, to make sure he got into one of the universities he applied for in California. Billy had always had good grades, a sure fire way to get Daddy Dearest off his back, but now he needed perfect grades. To prove everyone wrong, to prove he could amount to something after all. Who cares if he had no idea what he’d do? As long as he was away from here he’d be fine.

He threw himself in to work at the service station as well, taking as many shifts as he could. It kept him out of the house, and he got money, win win. It wasn’t particularly hard work, serving customers and stocking shelves. His boss was alright, a hardass but Billy was good at dealing with hardasses, and the boss liked how Billy interacted with the customers (Billy was nothing if not charming), so he got the good shifts. The busy ones, where Billy had to keep moving, keep serving and stocking and helping. Busy enough that Billy didn’t get lost in his own head, in his own ridiculous self-pity.

But for the most part he liked working. He didn’t have a real job in Cali, working for his uncle wasn’t legal, even if it paid well, so being in a real legal job with regulations and what not was a good change. And because he was under 18 he never worked the night shifts, which meant he normally finished at a time where he could pick up max from wherever she’d been hanging out.

Thing between Billy and Max would probably never be great, but they stuck to a schedule now, she never made him late, and he didn’t harass her. Hell sometimes he let her pick the music. Not often, but she didn’t have bad taste, so he didn’t mind too much, and it always made Max smile when she got to choose. Not that he cared for her smiling. But it was becoming easier to not give a shit than be angry. 

He hadn’t apologised, maybe never would, but Max seemed to know. So they had a truce, and even if Billy could count the amount of times they spoke a day on one hand, it worked for them.

A few days ago, Neil had taken Billy aside, the first time in weeks. Billy racked his brain to think of something he’d done wrong, but Neil patted him on the back, gently, proudly, instead.

“I’m pleased with how you’re acting, son. You’ve really pulled you’re shit together over the past few weeks, and I wanted you to know I think you’re shaping up well.” 

Part of Billy wanted to scream, “I’m not doing it for you”, the other part wanted to cry and hug his father.

In the end he nodded and said “Thank you sir” and that was that.

He really wasn’t doing it for his father. Sure if Neil left him alone that was good enough, but he’d stopped caring what Neil thought of him a while back. Mostly. Maybe he would always care a tiny piece. 

It was his father after all. The man who taught him how to ride a bike, and play catch and carried him from the car after a long drive. If Billy wasn’t a queer, if his mum hadn’t died, maybe things would be different. 

Maybe it wouldn’t.

So Billy kept busy and that made Daddy Dearest proud. He kept busy so distract himself from the sharp edges of blades and the tree on the sides of the road. 

He hadn’t seriously considered offing himself since the night at the Byers place. Well, maybe the night after he kissed Steve. But he buried it quickly. Pretty boy wasn’t gonna be the end of him.

But the thought always resided there. If things ever got too much, too bad, he had an out. Billy didn’t want to call it that, but that’s what it felt like. Outwardly things were better, and Billy had a plan to get out. But if that failed, and Billy got stuck here, he didn’t know what he’d do. If he didn’t get into college, he’d have to just go back, in his car and hope his uncle could help him out.

(And if that failed too… well.) 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

He didn’t expect to mend any bridges. And, well he hadn’t not really. But somehow, the universe had allowed him a chance.

Billy had just dropped Max off at the Byers place (creepy fucking place, he never did learn what was up with the drawings or the food on the ground), when he saw Sinclair walking his bike. Lucas. The back wheel wobbled as he pulled it along.

Lucas glared as Billy slowed down (he wasn’t even going as fast as he used too, and no it wasn’t cause the Sherriff had caught him speeding) (It was because Hopper had let him go).

“Something wrong with your bike?” Billy asked, leaning out the window.

“Why the hell do you care?” Lucas spat. Which was fair enough. 

“It’ll take you at least twenty minutes to walk from here. More if your bike slows you down.” Billy said.

“Yeah. So?” 

A really powerful part of Billy wanted to scoff and yell “Sucks to be you” while skidding off. But he didn’t. He wasn’t trying to be a better person. That’s not why he was doing anything. He just tired of fighting everything. Maybe he was growing up. Maybe he was giving up.

“Do you want a ride? I got time.”

“Bullshit. If I get in that car, you’ll kill me.” Lucas rolled his eyes and moved to keep walking.

Billy opened his door, “Sinclair, if I wanted to kill you, I’d have just run over you.” 

“Maybe you wanna torture me first!!” He jumped back, dropping his bike.

“Kid, it’s not the fifties anymore. I know I’m probably destined from prison, but I’m not planning on going anytime soon. I’m only offering cause Max’ll give me hard time if I don’t, and I like my balls the way they are,” Billy said, standing against his car. “But you make sure to tell Max you refused, she can’t get mad at me then.”

He was about to get back in when Lucas called out.

“No funny shit right?”

“No funny shit.” Billy crossed his heart, making Lucas roll his eyes.

Lucas picked up his bike and warily moved towards the car. Billy popped the trunk, taking the bike and angling it to fit inside. He didn’t miss how the kid flinched when Billy grabbed the bike.

When they drove off Billy squealed the tires a little more than he need to. Lucas sat rigidly flicking his eyes between the road and the driver. Billy focused on driving.

He knew deep down that this was the time to apologise. But the words got stuck in his throat, no they didn’t even make that fair, they got stuck in his chest weighing on his heart. But he couldn’t apologise. He never apologised, unless backed into a corner, and he still had the upper hand here.

Billy gripped the wheel a little tighter and felt anger stir within. Why should he even have to apologise? This kid meant nothing to him, he certainly didn’t care about Lucas Sinclair’s opinion. And what was he even apologising for? Shoving a kid? Big deal. At thirteen he was shoved around plenty.

Then he glanced at the kid, and his anger diminished as quickly as it spiked. It was not worth it, his anger. 

They approached the Byers’ without a word said, so Lucas jumped a little when Billy finally spoke.

“If you need a ride home, I can probably take you.” And it’s not an apology, not even close, but it’s an olive branch, a promise of sorts.

And the kid (Maybe the smartest one in the dork patrol) knew what Billy wasn’t saying.

Lucas nodded seriously, “Alright.”

When they pulled up Max ran out.

“Why are you back Billy? It’s been five minutes!!” She yelled, followed by her gaggle of dorky friends, (including a girl he didn’t know, huh. At least Max wasn’t the only girl anymore.)

“Relax, Short Stack, I’m here to drop your boyfriend off. He had bike trouble.” He said while getting out.

Lucas jumped out, like the car was toxic, shocking all the kids. “My tyre blew out. Billy gave me a ride.”

“Did he hurt you?!” One of the boys yelled.

Billy rolled his eyes and got the bike out. Why would he bring Lucas here if he was gonna hurt him? Idiots.

Lucas took the bike from him with another nod and joined his friends. They seemed to check him for injuries then they went inside. Billy chuckled once and climbed into his car.

“Wait,” Max yelled running towards him. She rested a hand on the door frame, seeming to think about what she was about to say, “Thank you.”

“I didn’t do it for you.” He couldn’t look at her when he said it.

“Then who did you do it for?”

For that he had no answer.


End file.
